my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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