I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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