OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
