I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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