he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
