he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
