So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
