dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
