Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
