yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
