I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
