We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
