You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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