Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
