it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
