Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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