I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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