Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
