Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
