My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
