FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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