ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
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My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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