you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
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I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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