...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
