I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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