I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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