I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
