Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
