I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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