There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
