dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
