I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize