she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
