I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She even gives head with a lisp.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
