ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
