i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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