well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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