We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
