She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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