he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
