He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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