I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
