He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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