O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
