remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
