If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
