you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
