i wish starbucks made bloody marys
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
