I want you more than these girls want KFC
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
