woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
