How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
