fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
