Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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