Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
