a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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