Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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