Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
