U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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