fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
