never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
