You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
