why didn't you poke me back
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
