this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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