I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think people are normalizing furries
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
