why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
