I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
