i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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