Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
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Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
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Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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