i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
