So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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