He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
